Author: Aleš Podbrežnik
Artist: Steel Panther
Label: Open E Music
Release: 2014
Length: 48:09
Rating: 4.5/5
The fourth studio album from America’s new shock-music parody Steel Panther is, given their commendable persistence, actually something of a surprise, since you’d have expected their brilliantly sold shtick of outrageously erect scandalizing to fizzle out sooner or later. Luckily the boys are nowhere near out of ammo, and their boundless imagination keeps producing fresh loads! »All You Can Eat« is, no beating around the bush, the band’s best studio album to date. They’ve perfected their approach to theater on it down to the last detail. Musically and arrangement-wise too, and on top of that they’ve added a whole bagful of genius sting in juicily placed thoughts of sexual scandal! They’ve brought the whole thing to its optimum. Imagine taking the lucid theatrical show parade of eighties »hair« metallers Poison and crossing it with the grandeur of Van Halen in their best years.
Steel Panther are no joke once you put their joke under the microscope. Their jabbing away at endless hours of colorful bedroom shenanigans, along with the whole parody of Sunset Strip makeup-and-hairspray culture, is a brilliantly precise and meticulously optimized mask that they market with wisdom. No »Parental Advisory« sticker survives this apostolate. Steel Panther have milked it to the extreme and desecrated it with their ruffled perversions, which is exactly what the invention of American quasi-morality, where selling war (read: death) is justified while selling love (read: life) keeps getting tangled up in trouble, deserves. At the same time they’ve managed to storm the mainstream with a perfectly legal extreme of scandal. All the glitz of the look, the theater and the juicy verses is justified by Steel Panther with top-notch sound and polished arrangements, which deliver by far the most varied bundle of original songs on the new album, backed by the bravura playing of a quartet in which guitarist Satchel naturally stands out. The man simply stuns with a brilliant display of guitar acrobatics and all the ingenious touches in placing dominant guitar phrases and other ornaments of truly craftsman-level playing.
For all the filth, which is undeniably very appealing, since Steel Panther do exactly what every one of us spends most of our lives shoving deep into the hidden corners of the complex mental labyrinth known as the human mind, this is a thoroughly calculated product that set out to market its offering as efficiently as possible. And each of us gets plenty of tangible substance out of it. If your comprehension allows for it, of course. Whether you’re looking first and foremost for a credible snapshot of the Sunset Strip and all you want from music is a proper adrenaline-fueled rock ‘n’ roll party vibe , or you’re looking for high-quality musical arrangement and performance amid all this kitsch. Steel Panther have thought of everything, so grumbling or sneering at what you hear, see and get is completely pointless and unfounded. In the end it’s only a question of how much of a puritan you are. If you think you were immaculately conceived and that Steel Panther’s main job is conjuring fragrant vanilla farts, you’re deeply mistaken, and in that case you might as well write off the whole Steel Panther phenomenon right away.
The ultra-melodic catchiness and perfectly polished vocal harmonies, which burrow under your skin the moment you hear them the first time, will force you to start singing the verses out loud with Steel Panther. Soon you’ll catch yourself using the filthiest vocabulary the average mortal of this galaxy could possibly invent, at the top of your lungs. And all this lucidity and the bizarreness of the carefully crafted theater is entirely forgivable. Because we’re talking about excellent individual players, with guitarist Satchel standing out. Michael Starr impresses with his authority and convincing vocal delivery, Stix Zadinia hands out a whole load of precise and virtuously measured blows, with a few seriously well-placed drum fills, while bassist Lexxi Foxx is first and foremost extremely good-looking, which is plenty for the mold of Steel Panther’s arrangement-style music.
»All You Can Eat« delivers 12 superbly polished tracks, with the band thinking of every little detail on them. Including the superb seasoning of »mid-eight« passages, which often conjure up inspiration from heroes like The Beatles, Queen and also classic eighties heavy metal, while in the intro of the outrageously rude opener Pussywhipped, Celtic pastoral elements in the first minute of play summon a certain mysticism, a typical trait of British bands. Just walking through the song titles, and especially studying the details of Steel Panther’s poetry, is where the real fun starts. »There was so much spunk on your face, I coulnd’t see the tears« in the song Bukkake Tears is just one such example. This track has a verse that develops out of a minor key with deadly seriousness, then morphs into an ultra-contagious melodic chorus! The flood of sexual excess in the lyrics, of course, puts Steel Panther in a special place in the universe of trillions of bands cast in this same mold. It will be interesting to see what the group tackles in its lyrics once the sexual imagination has been used up. Right after Bukake Tears, another highlight of the record is Gangbang At The Old Folks Home, with Def Leppard guitarist Viv Campbell guesting on guitar. The band doesn’t stop at humoresques, as shown by the excellent ballad The Burden of Being Beautiful, the album’s third single, while the stampede in Ten Strikes You’re Out draws heavily on the persona and work of Van Halen, and with the abbreviation B.V.S. Steel Panther take you toward Big Vagina Sindrome. They never run out of red thread.
Long story short, not to ramble. »All You Can Eat« is the most mature achievement yet of the ultra-entertaining and ingeniously repackaged musical parody known as Steel Panther, who keep delighting with their perfection, including on the arrangement front. Despite the predictability and genericness, the exceptional technical skill with which guitarist Satchel in particular matches all the showing off of vividly depicted idiocy, perverse belching and Sunset Strip theater is seriously shocking, yet at the same time irresistible! That’s why Steel Panther are no joke. You absolutely have to see the band at least once in your life on a concert stage too! With the new album, Steel Panther have once again superbly restored a piece of rock history, and with a legitimate approach of serving up bizarre juiciness of verbal sexology, which is a guarantee that the Sunset Strip parody will ignite.
Line-up
Michael Starr – vocals
Satchel – guitar, backing vocals
Lexxi Foxx – bass guitar, backing vocals
Stix Zadinia – drums, percussion, piano, backing vocals
GUEST MUSICIAN:
Vivian Campbell – guitar on track no. 5
Track list
01. Pussywhipped
02. Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World
03. Gloryhole
04. Bukkake Tears
05. Gangbang At The Old Folks Home
06. Ten Strikes You’re Out
07. The Burden Of Being Wonderful
08. Fucking My Heart In The Ass
09. B.V.S.
10. You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk
11. If I Was The King
12. She’s On The Rag
