Author: Peter Podbrežnik
Artist: Zappa, Frank
Label: Rykodisc Records
Released: 1979
Length: 1:55:14
Rating: 5/5
“Joe’s Garage”, a progressive rock opera in three acts built on the concept of what could happen if music became illegal, is among the most brilliant achievements in the career of the legendary American composer, guitarist, singer, satirist and director Frank Zappa. A genius of every form of musical experimentation and social parody (or provocation, if you prefer), a man who lived to create musical works of art, he made a timeless masterpiece in every respect with this album, which originally came out in two parts (first Act I, then Acts II and III together), and maybe even his best piece of social satire ever. How far-reaching and important the influence of this legendary album has been on generations of musicians and listeners is perhaps best shown by the fact that in September 2008, “Joe’s Garage” got a stage production by American theater actors who received exclusive permission from the Zappa family for the undertaking.
First and foremost, the concept of “Joe’s Garage” is Frank’s symbolic reckoning (far from the first, and not the last either) with censorship and the self-appointed American guardians of public morals, who increasingly attacked his music, claiming it was “pornographic” and dangerous to the “normal” development of their children. A few years later that hit its climax with Frank’s triumphant appearance before the US Congress, where he thoroughly made fools of the most conservative senators, who stuck stubbornly to their delusions. Despite Frank’s victory, which bought him peace from political lunatics meddling in his work for the rest of his career, the conservative camp (united under Tipper Gore, wife of Al Gore, the vice president in Clinton’s administration and later a self-proclaimed environmentalist) scored a smaller win: all records with potentially explicit content on the American market must now always carry a special sticker (much more on that in the upcoming review of the album “Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention”, 1985).
In many ways, “Joe’s Garage” is an uncompromising and intelligent mockery of this kind of conservative paranoia, and a piece of fiction about what could happen in the worst case, someday in the future, if paranoid senators won and banned music with “dangerous” content, and with it the right to free speech and artistic expression. Besides the classic Zappa jabs at the delusions of American politics and the system, which the lyrics are crawling with, there are plenty of other satirical barbs, for example at the typical sloppiness of the average American, influential religious sects like the Scientologists, the debauched lives of famous rock musicians, garage bands, institutionalized fetishism, and repressive regimes like Iran’s, where almost all “Western” music is still banned.
Act I: the opera opens by introducing a bizarre entity called the Central Scrutinizer, who is cast as the story’s main narrator. This strange character has no personality of his own, but he dutifully does his job of rolling out the restrictive laws that will become the basis of the coming, expected ban on music. The Scrutinizer offers an instructive case study in “what can happen if you pick a career in music”, followed by the introduction of the opera’s protagonist, Joe. Joe used to be a “nice boy” who, according to his petty-bourgeois neighbor, regularly mowed the neighbor’s lawn. That was over once he discovered rock music and started spending hours on end in the garage with his band, playing loud music that constantly drove the neighbors up the wall, so they often called the cops.
After yet another incident like that, Joe is hauled off to the police station, where a “kindly counselor” offers him a doughnut and advises him to stick to some “church-oriented social activities” instead. Joe later meets a girl named Mary. Their relationship is limited to holding hands and cultivating “pure thoughts”. But Mary, a Catholic girl, leaves Joe one evening to go see her favorite band Toad-O (the name is a parody of the popular American rock band Toto) and get close to the band members. In the end her attempt ends with her in their tour bus, having group sex with the roadies and becoming a “groupie”. She travels with them on tour until they dump her in Miami when she gets too tired to do anything anymore. Wandering around town, she enters a wet T-shirt contest to earn enough money for the trip home. Joe eventually finds out about her shenanigans, so he gets depressed, hits the bottle, and has sex with a girl named Lucille, who works at the fast-food joint Jack-In-The-Box. Lucille “gifts” him an unnamed and annoying venereal disease (probably gonorrhea), though in his naive, lovestruck daze he convinces himself he caught it from sitting on a dirty toilet seat.
Act II: To solve his problems, Joe turns to religion and donates a huge amount of money to L. Ron Hoover, the leader of the so-called First Church of Appliantology (a parody of the Church of Scientology). Hoover identifies him as someone who is, deep down, a latent fetishist for technical gadgets. When Joe decides to confess his sexual orientation, Hoover advises him to get his sexual validation through sex with a machine. Joe heads to the Closet club, which rents out special machines for satisfying sexual needs. There he picks a suitable machine named Sy Borg, who looks like a robotic pig. Together they go to Sy’s apartment, where they have a wild orgy with Sy’s roommate, a modified doll called Gay Bob. At the end of the sex, Joe wrecks Sy’s circuitry with a “golden shower”. After that he lands in deep trouble for good, because he gave all his money to the First Church of Appliantology and can’t pay for the robot’s repairs. As punishment he’s locked up in a special prison where all the inner walls are painted green. It’s full of various punished characters from the music business (former musicians and their managers), who gang-rape Joe repeatedly. Their ringleader is a former promo man for a big record label named Bald-Headed John.
Act III: by the time Joe is released from prison, music has already become illegal. This drives him mad, and he starts imagining in his head all the guitar notes he can’t play, while a reporter documents his musings. In the end he accepts that music is gone for good and takes a job as a routine laborer at the Utility Muffin Reasearch Kitchen (actually the name of Frank’s music studio, where he recorded numerous tracks over the years), where he freezes cupcakes. In the finale, the Central Scrutinizer tells the listener that if the story of Joe somehow wasn’t convincing enough that music is evil, he’ll sing in his real voice. Then he switches off the vocoder that distorts his voice, and it turns out he’s none other than Frank Zappa.
Besides the Scrutinizer, Frank also played Joe’s friend Larry, L. Ron Hoover, Father Riley and Buddy Jones. Guitarist and singer Ike Willis did a great job as Joe, singer Dale Bozzio proved herself as Mary, rhythm guitarist Warren Cuccurullo tried his hand at the bizarre Sy Borg, while longtime drummer Terry Bozzio, who appeared on this album only as a special guest, did a fine job scaring us as “Bald-Headed” John.
The lineup of musicians who helped Frank realize this extremely ambitious project was a dream in every respect. Among the new collaborators, the standout was the fantastic drummer Vinnie Colaiuta, the drumming incarnation of technical polish and musical versatility. Vinnie got his Zappa “initiation” after, among other things, successfully pulling off the extremely demanding piece “The Black Page” (the oldest released version is on the double live album “Zappa In New York”, 1977). He passed the drum test so well that he astonished even his predecessor Terry Bozzio. Reportedly, he found enough time while playing to scoop up some sushi and adjust his glasses. He worked successfully with Frank for two more years, after which he became famous mainly as a session drummer (his work with Sting is the best known). The other major standout of the “Joe’s Garage” lineup was the young guitar hero Warren Cuccurullo, who earned the rhythm guitar spot as a longtime Zappa fan who could play every last guitar part from Frank’s vast career by heart, even the most bizarre ones. During his time with Frank, he got especially close with Terry Bozzio and his wife Dale, whom he convinced to start the new wave band Missing Persons together with bassist Patrick O’Hearn. He later became Duran Duran’s longtime guitarist and built a successful solo career, while the bizarre episode with porn films is best forgotten as soon as possible. The third standout among the newcomers was guitarist and singer Ike Willis, who thanks to his vocal charisma became one of the most beloved members of Frank’s backing crew and one of the few long-term Frank collaborators who stuck with him to the end of his stage career.
The musical face of “Joe’s Garage” is a stunning picture of extraordinary eclecticism, with different genres mixing together, ranging from classic Zappa comedy rock, progressive rock, hard rock, pop, reggae, blues and jazz fusion, and so on. The album is also famous for its huge number of excellent guitar solos. Frank recorded most of them using the so-called xenochronic technique, which in plain language means he lifted most of the solos from older, unrelated pieces and dropped them into the new songs. Most of the solos were done this way, with the exception of those on “Crew Slut” and “Watermelon in Easter Hay”.
Joe’s story opens with the muffled voice of the mysterious entity “Central Scrutinizer” (Zappa tells the story through a special vocoder that distorts his voice so it sounds like some kind of robot; personally, probably out of mischief, I always picture Bender from Futurama, even though he talks in a “normal” voice). His narration is laid over a funky rhythmic backing, while plenty of goofy sounds dominate the background. This original intro convincingly leads the listener into the title track. “Joe’s Garage” is one of the most easygoing and likable songs of Frank’s career, built on a compact melody, bluesy riffs and bouncy rhythms, with room left for a short but wild sax solo. The excellent vocal back-and-forth between Ike Willis (as Joe) and Frank (as Joe’s friend Larry) adds some extra fun. The comic “Californian” pop-rock charm comes from the high backing harmonies and handclaps. In the closing section the song shifts to a faster tempo, while the background fills up with police sirens and raving neighbors complaining that they’ll call the cops over the noise.
Next comes the pop-rock sugar-bomb “Catholic Girls”, where Dale Bozzio steps in as backing singer in the role of the loose Catholic girl Mary. It’s the best possible parody of the wrong turns of two-faced Catholic morality, and one of the most notorious songs from the stash of those that stirred the imagination of America’s political “elite”. The lyrics alone and the chorus about naughty Catholic girls and boys (Vinnie and Warren are both name-checked among the latter) guarantee plenty of laughs, and when you add the deliberately high-pitched vocals backed by funky rhythm lines, the burlesque is complete. A touch of sophistication comes from the witty jazzy interludes and Ike’s all-round singing.
“Crew Slut”, which tells of Mary’s dirty adventures, is a song full of comic twists and juicy narrative inserts. It’s laid over a sleepy bluesy riff and almost pentatonic rhythmic runs, so it feels like the soundtrack to some American road movie, which fits the lyrics perfectly, as Mary gets tangled up in a wild orgy with the roadies (the dialogue about Mary’s love of leather is especially juicy). Here we also meet the first of Frank’s excellent guitar solos, which this album is crawling with, and in which he presents himself in the unusual role of blues guitarist.
“Fembot in a Wet T-Shirt” is another very endearing little tune, laid over “Hawaiian” rhythms, where an extremely complex structure hides beneath a seemingly simple, almost pop-rock surface. The best part is Ike’s excellent singing, which keeps the playful melody going, while the brilliant fusion interplay between xylophone and guitar passages is no slouch either. Eventually a burlesque narrative interlude kicks in, with a sarcastic Frank as the host of a silly wet T-shirt contest, where the girl whose chest looks most attractive after a cold shower wins. Credit is also due to former Playboy bunny Dale Bozzio, who superbly plays the stereotypically dumb, squealing blonde Mary, who declares after the water dousing that she’d do anything for money.
The instrumental fusion treat “On the Bus” features a monumental Frank guitar solo, laid over an enviable rhythmic foundation, and one that all fans of this guitar giant can lick their lips over again. It’s followed by my personal favorite “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?”, where the typical Zappa toilet humor reaches one of its peaks. If you set aside the roar-with-laughter lyrics and the legendary chorus led by the whining Mr. Willis, it’s an excellent progressive rock song which, despite its short length, contains a dramatic and pompous, I’d even say “Queen”-flavored operetta interlude.
The tender love ballad “Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up” impresses with its inventiveness, where you can feel new wave rhythms and especially reggae influences (proof that Frank occasionally enjoyed listening to the legendary The Police), and also with Frank’s not-so-often-shown knack for creating subtle melodies without any mischief at all. The exceptional romanticism comes from Ike’s utterly committed singing. It’s one of Frank’s very rare “serious” pieces, without a shred of humor or mockery (maybe just some irony), since Joe’s short fling with Lucille is a rather sad chapter. With “Scrutinizer Postitude”, where the Scrutinizer tries to convince the listener that music is a disease and the source of all evil, as Joe’s misadventures supposedly prove, the first act of the concept wraps up.
The pop-rock-flavored classic “A Token Of My Extreme”, where Frank vocally nails the role of the leader of a bizarre religious sect and sends Joe off to practice sex with a machine, opens the second chapter of the concept. Plenty of rhythmic wisecracks and playful guitar passages constantly accompany the burlesque dialogue between Joe and the sect’s boss. Appliantology is portrayed as a sect working hand in glove with the totalitarian regime ruling Joe’s world, which is a more than obvious parody of Scientology.
“Stick It Out” is another one of the album’s comic highlights, where the bouncy rhythm and the main melody oddly recall the theme of the cult British sitcom Only Fools and Horses. Here Joe, with the help of his sexual partner, the pig robot, learns German, which ends with the robot’s destruction. Frank’s singing alone, a bizarre mix of English and German, is legendary and simply makes you “crack up”. At the “den-den-den-den-den” rhythm I instantly think of Del Boy and Rodney riding around town in their falling-apart three-wheeler, while the juicy lyrics about the orgy between Joe and Sy Borg are a phenomenal parody of the frequent sexual deviations of members of certain church organizations.
The excellent fusion appetizer “Sy Borg” provides a surprisingly subtle close to the first disc. Willis’s emotionally well-inhabited singing is front and center, convincing as the unhinged Joe, whose sanity slowly slips away during and after the unpleasant experience with the robot, while witty jazzy and reggae rhythmic interludes wander through the background. The lyrics are crawling with sexual allusions, especially about oral sex (the threesome between Joe and Sy Borg also includes the doll Gay Bob, probably a parody of Bob Dole, the conservative Republican senator and failed presidential candidate). The individual solos, especially on guitar and keyboards, are manna from heaven for all music connoisseurs, while the grooving bass line leaves no fan of quality jazz fusion cold.
The second disc, which opens with Joe’s arrival in prison, consists of longer songs, mostly over eight minutes, with a series of Frank’s breathtaking guitar solos. The funk-spiced “Dong Work For Yuda”, where a gang of former musicians and associates led by Bald-Headed John enters the scene, also has a touch of gospel in the mood thanks to the many falsetto vocal harmonies in the background and the handclaps. Terry Bozzio, who appears on the album only as a guest vocalist, is excellent with his “mobster” voice as the crazed rapist John. The rowdy, cranked-to-the-max “Keep It Greasy” is a veritable hard rock explosion with plenty of funky rhythmic interludes and excellent vocal harmonies. The instrumental fusion section features lots of crazy improvisations with which Frank and the gang once again demonstrate that they were always one of the superpowers of quality jazz fusion. Among the solo improvisations, Frank’s killer guitar solo stands out in particular, and it’s still a godsend for guitar virtuosos all over the world.
The melancholic “Outside Now”, where the unfortunate Joe suffers a mental breakdown when he realizes after leaving prison that music has been banned and starts losing himself in delusions, is built on pentatonic scales, within which Vinnie’s dynamic drum fills stand out. The subtle central melody is made of charming vocal harmonies that build an atmosphere as sad as it is funny. Another breathtaking guitar solo provides a mighty finish. On “He Used To Cut The Grass”, where Joe feels an immense emptiness after saying goodbye to every form of music and starts daydreaming about imaginary guitar notes, you can enjoy plenty of tasty jazzy improvisations, among which, as it should be, Frank’s highly complex and extensive guitar solo once again stands out. The burlesque finish comes from Joe’s fantasizing about his guitar days, playing with the garage band, so in his head he again hears the screeching of the neurotic neighbor who decides to call the cops.
The more than eleven-minute “Packard Goose” is another wonderfully slick fusion stew, where pop-rock, jazz, funk and hard rock motifs once again come together in an exceptionally tasty cohesion. The ambience of this excellent song changes from minute to minute. One of the sections includes Frank’s famous quote, which ends with the line “music is the best”. The transition into the wild fusion section, where Frank explodes again with yet another supersonic solo, is brilliant, and I can easily imagine someone like Al Di Meola as a guest on it. In the closing part the song returns to the opening motif, followed by a witty pop-rock chorus and a playful buildup with frisky vocal harmonies. The ethereal “Watermelon in Easter Hay” is the moment Joe decides to play his last imaginary guitar solo before surrendering to fate. This ambient-flavored masterpiece contains Frank’s best solo when it comes to effectively conveying exceptional subtlety, instantly enchanting the more romantic-minded listeners.
With “A Little Green Rosetta”, Joe’s tragic epic comes to an end as he settles into his new life as a cupcake freezer, which is yet another parody of the preference for mediocrity over talent in American society (instead of becoming a successful musician, he was forced to become a routine worker, because that’s more useful for the social good of the totalitarian regime). Against the sarcastic triumph of the Central Scrutinizer, who turns out to be none other than Frank Zappa, the closing burlesque tune, with its many vocal grimaces, handclaps and goofy dulcimer interludes, comes off even more mocking.
“Joe’s Garage” is a concept work of art that, with its provocative messages, still riles up every conservative bigwig obsessed with the idea that censorship is the best fix for anyone who refuses to speak the same language. With this phenomenal record, the untamable and tireless composer left behind one of the finest monuments to his creative genius. “Joe’s Garage” is an incredible masterpiece that, given its musical, lyrical and conceptual dimensions, I simply can’t praise enough, so I venture without hesitation to say that it ranks among the three, if not the two, best moments of Frank’s vast career. And above all, it’s an album that gives the listener almost two hours of pure fun, better than watching any wet T-shirt contest, as even the two Catholic lads, Lovro Šturm and Mihael Jarc, would agree.
Lineup
Frank Zappa – vocals, guitar
Warren Cuccurullo – rhythm guitar, vocals, choir, organ, guitar
Denny Walley – vocals, slide guitar, guitar
Craig Twister Steward – harmonica
Jeff – tenor saxophone
Marginal Chagrin – baritone saxophone
Patrick O’Hearn – bass guitar, woodwinds
Peter Wolf – keyboards
Stumuk – baritone saxophone, bass saxophone
Tommy Mars – keyboards
Vinnie Colaiuta – drums, percussion
Arthur Barrow – bass guitar, vocals
Ed Mann – percussion, vocals
Dale Bozzio – vocals
Al Malkin – vocals
Ike Willis – vocals
Barbara Isaak – choir
Geordie Hormel – choir
Terry Bozzio – guest vocals
Production
Frank Zappa
Track list
CD1:
1. Central Scrutinizer
2. Joe’s Garage
3. Catholic Girls
4. Crew Slut
5. Wet T Shirt Nite
6. Toad O Line
7. Why Does It Hurt When I Pee
8. Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
9. Token Of His Extreme
10. Stick It Out
11. Sy Borg
CD2:
1. Dong Work For Yuda
2. Keep It Greasy
3. Outside Now
4. He Used To Cut The Grass
5. Packard Goose
6. Watermelon In Easter Hay
7. Little Green Rosetta
